Since the TV drama Adolescence hit our screens, many of us have been confronted with an uncomfortable question: what is really going on with young boys today?
The series has been an eye-opener. Boys are growing up in a world where ideas once considered extreme are becoming increasingly mainstream — where aggression and control are rebranded as ‘natural’ male traits. The message many absorb is that their ‘proper’ place in relationships and society is one of dominance, and that anything less makes them ‘woke’, ‘soft’, or a failure.
This content is not hard to find. Influencers like Andrew Tate openly promote deeply harmful views — advocating the emotional, sexual, and physical abuse of women, and claiming women exist to serve men and are inherently inferior. Vulnerability, boys are told, is weakness. Misogyny, they hear, isn’t just acceptable — it’s desirable.
Part of what makes these ideas so sticky is that they offer a shortcut through the emotional complexity of adolescence. Instead of grappling with uncertainty and vulnerability, boys are handed a rigid, ready-made identity to step into. Resisting that clarity — especially when it’s endorsed by friends — takes real strength.
Why are these views gaining ground?
The shift from parents’ kitchen table to algorithmic feed
It’s natural for adolescents to push back against their parents’ beliefs — that friction is how they build an identity of their own. What’s changed is where the alternative perspectives come from. Where peers and family once shaped that process, influencers and online communities now fill the gap, particularly when parental views feel outdated or restrictive.
And crucially, no seeking-out is required. Unlike in the past, when extreme views had limited reach, today’s platforms deliver them straight to a young person’s phone, constantly and unavoidably.For many boys, the loudest voices on masculinity now arrive through a phone screen, not the front door.
The pull of the peer group
Even if you limit screen time, unless you cut your child off from every other child, they’ll still encounter harmful messages about masculinity. Teenagers crave belonging — if a peer group normalises toxic behaviour, a boy may adopt those views simply to fit in. Combine that with a natural urge to reject parental values, and the mix can be volatile. Standing against the dominant opinion of a friend group takes genuine courage and emotional maturity.
Simple answers in a complicated world
The world can feel bleak to a teenager — climate anxiety, economic uncertainty, academic pressure, a competitive job market. Many feel powerless. Influencers exploit that powerlessness with a seductive alternative: a simple, ordered world where masculinity equals strength and dominance. For someone feeling adrift, that clarity can be incredibly tempting.
How you can help
1. Start conversations about social media early
From the moment children begin exploring opinions online, talk about how to judge credibility. Teach them about echo chambers — how algorithms serve up more of the same, creating a false sense of consensus — and show them how to cross-check facts.
2. Learn the language
Teen culture moves fast. If a young person uses terms like ‘incel’ or ‘Chad’, or references the ‘manosphere’, know what they mean. Slang and emojis can signal deeper issues — misogyny, bullying, or radicalisation — and understanding the lingo helps you spot red flags early.
3. Keep the lines of communication open
When teens feel heard on the small things, they come to you with the big things. Use casual moments — driving, walking the dog, doing chores. And avoid shutting dialogue down, even when you disagree. Instead of “that’s a terrible view,” try: “I’d like to understand more about why that appeals to you.”
4. Be genuinely curious
Hold back from lecturing. Ask what he thinks, who he listens to, and why the content appeals to him. Then ask yourself: what need are these views fulfilling? Control? Certainty? A sense of power? Once you know the need, you can help him meet it in healthier ways.
5. Support healthy emotional expression
Disappointment, pressure and powerlessness are inevitable. Show boys that expressing those feelings is human, not weak — and encourage outlets that allow emotional release: sport, art, music, martial arts, or any hobby that connects them with positive role models.
6. Model healthy masculinity
Talking matters, but showing matters more. Whatever your role — father, coach, teacher, uncle, mentor — let boys see these qualities in action:
- Express vulnerability and talk about your emotions
- Handle anger with words, not violence
- Believe in yourself without putting others down
- Compromise, cooperate, and resolve conflict without domination
- Show respect — and earn it in return
- Take care of your physical and emotional health
- Stay curious, and respect viewpoints that do no harm
There’s no quick fix. But with openness, curiosity and consistency, you can be a guiding force in a young man’s life as he navigates an increasingly complicated world. The key is staying connected, staying informed — and modelling the kind of person you hope he’ll become.